Two Pendejitas on Youtube

Aye Dios MIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

que escandalosooooooooooooooooooo!

que show!

Mira, I was bouncing around online today and one of my Cubanitas
lindas that I love sent me this video:

It is one half Cuban-American muchachita and her sidekick on el
YouTube recording un video talking about their experience at school in
Gainesville, Florida … oyeme. It was terrible. For a million
reasons. You figure that the video has gone viral so the girls are either dead or wishing to be dead now that everyone knows what they
had to share with the world.

You thought you got an ass beating when you talked back to your mami y papi that one time … bueno, imaginate the magnitude of this ass beating.

Parece that these pendejitas at the ripe age of 13-15 (who knows, I’m guessing) they had enough insight into the world that they could back their message up with the giant balls that dropped for them along with puberty.  Pero mi gente, they thought wrong, because ahora the single mother of the nerdy one  in glasses had to stop her life to deal with the death threats, media and general community outrage that her daughter participated in causing. And for all you single mothers out there, I know I don’t have to explain to you the f*cking mess that would cause both internally and externally in your life.

Mira, it seems politicians aren’t the only people who need help with
their freedoms of speech. Take this opportunity to yank your kid by the hair and pull their ass up to a computer screen so that you may use this example of sheer stupidity on the part of some kids’ brains that are not done developing to teach your own about cause and effect.


I’m all about children finding their swagger, but not at the expense
of them risking their lives. Clearly these girls were wrong. Tambien
they were really stupid and misguided. They thought they didn’t give a
sh*t about what they were saying until the lynch mob came around to take care of them. I know these days,  it’s cool to not give a f*ck. I mean, tenemos los ninos so clued into the ways of the world that by the age of 9 most children have seen someone poop in a cup on YouTube. Tu sabes? Pero just because their eyes see and their ears hear doesn’t
mean they know that the f*ck is up.

That’s your job, parents.

Now, when you get home, talk to your kids and show them this video and
listen to what they have to say and talk to them about the dangers of running their mouths without thinking about the audience on the other end of their words.

Because if you turn a blind eye today, you may be needing to hire a PR
firm in defense of your family tomorrow.

Como dice my Cubanita linda:

“These girls are gonna learn that the Internet is forever. The truth is
some people are unfortunately born disadvantaged … they just made
themselves that way.”

Ya. Pa que lo sepas.

(if you can’t believe your ears and your eyes want more of this story, please visit mis amigitos the Latino Rebels for the scoop)

Fuah Fart

Meat fried in Duck fat.

Sounds good?

You don’t normally eat meat like that-

tu sabes, all 3 types of prime rib and goat on a stick because that’s how this meat house rolls.

20 minutes into gorging you feel the “meat sweats”  come on.

An hour despues del cafesito at the end of dinner..

you feel the trembles in the belly that eventually manifest as

the Fuah Farts.

Que Dios me la Bendiga

Last night, when I watched the Grammy’s and witnessed them pull the Latino and Hip Hop categories just to leave a woman beater on stage shaking his piri-picho around for young women to- out the clear blue night sky- find their sense of humor at that exact moment and post like the idiotas that they are how they would love to have the fist of this sorry excuse for un hombre- slam through their faces… this also gives me the Fuah Farts tambien.

Oyeme mujeres, mira, I don’t wanna rain on your parade- I mean- after all maybe I’m just toda sensitiva porque se me murio la Whitney Houston a noche tambien pero I’m gonna tell you what- esa estupides of making a joke about hitting a woman… really fucking stupid. Conyo.

Para de joder.

Listen to your Mama.

Ya. Pa que lo sepas.

An Open Letter to Priscilla. Latina Denial.

Oyeme Priscilla,

Why are you out and about when your room is una porqueria?

Your Mami clearly is trying to raise you like a good Latina but you just working her up to rashes.  Ya tu lo sabes that if you wanna go out you have to be clean and leave your room looking like the Pope can do communion in there.  I mean seriously the only places a Latina can feel okay about being messy is her birth and her death. Otherwise- you better have a good excuse for leaving the house and not hiding your mess in el closet. Where all Latina secrets go to dissolve. Like a little Laundry Confessional if you will.

Just in case you need a refresher on the things you need to get done BEFORE you hit the club here is a video from our favorite senoras who give you the ins and outs of getting ready for a weekend of lo que sea with your girls.

Aye Pricilla…. quickly, before la cabeza of your Mom explodes into a million little Dominican flag pieces.

Ya. Pa que lo sepas.

 

 

The Bochinchera of a Latina on Christmas. Latina Denial.

“Who touched my Mac!”

“Who erased my show?”

“Who moved my purse?!… oh here it is”

“You’re never gonna believe this”

“She’s so dramatic”

“CONYO, are they killing the pig or how long do I have to wait for this lechon”

“I’d eat a burger- but I’m on a diet”

“Extra cheese, extra ranch please”

“that’s SUPER cute”

“that’s SUPER rude”

“that’s SUPER expensive”

“Baby why is there VOMIT next to my toilet on Christmas EVE?!!!”

“I’m about to lose my sh*t on my cousin”

“this woman won’t get off my ass”

“move your head I can’t see”

“what”

“apparently it’s whatever YOU want”

“Well, she don’t have to be so rude about it, it’s not my fault she hates her job”

“ I LOVE it”

“I love IT

“I. LOVE IIIIT

“OHMYGOD”

“Oh. my. God.”

“Aye Dios”

“ hell no”

“hell yes”

“Hello? Answer me!”

“Bueno”

“I got two because they were on sale”

“that’s so ES-tupid”

“what are you doing to lose weight?”

“Sneakers is my favorite chocolate bar”

“Matthew Mac- o..Mick-no-hey lo que sea- el actor, ese.”

“Saca los chicken macnuggets from the refrigerator para los ninos”

“tan bueno”

“tan feo”

YOU ARE de lo mas flaca”

“salpica pa ya”

“salpica pa ca”

“Pide las bendiciones!”

“I don’t think that’s fonny”

“I love you GUYS”

“everyone be quiet so we can brindar”

“cut her off”

“cut him off”

“cut me off!”

put the volume higher”

“sit here”

“don’t SIT there”

“saca la mano”

“juegos de mano NO!”

COQUITO

“to friends”

“to family”

“to those who are not as fortunate as us”

“weweesh jou a Merry Chrismaz”

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE.

Que Dios me los Bendigan”

Besitos, coquito y pastelitos,

-Latina Denial-